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 Chemical
dependency, behavioral health problems, or compulsive behavioral
patterns affect personal relationships and families. Some families
and relationships limit or do not allow statement of thoughts and
feelings, and thus inhibit creative problem solving. This can result
in high levels of tension and stress, providing fertile ground for
the development and growth of what is often termed "Codependency."
Codependency is a term used to describe someone with a cluster of
self- defeating behaviors developed as a result of growing up in
an oppressive and dysfunctional family environment. Codependents
are typically frightened, frustrated, controlling and caretaking
individuals. Friends and family members may develop patterns of
"codependent" behavior that seemingly protect them but ultimately
inhibit statement of self and interfere with intimacy.
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DISCOVERY'S Family Program is based on the understanding that it is
vital for the individuals within the system of significant relationships
to increase their awareness of dysfunctional behavior patterns. This
becomes even more important when one person in the system -- the patient
-- is changing as a result of treatment, consequently affecting the
whole system. The goal of DISCOVERY'S Family Program is to help patients,
family members and friends develop honest and healthy relationships.
Participants attend two days of lectures and group sessions that explore
their roles in relationship to the patient. Then the patient joins
them in multi-family interactional groups. This allows time to process
feelings and begin the development of new styles of relating. The
resulting system of new relationships permits healthier interactions,
promotes healing and individual statement, and enhances intimacy.
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Alcoholism and addiction affect the whole family, which is why both
are commonly referred to as "family diseases." The family unit is
often forced to adjust to the dramatic mood changes and behaviors
of the addict, and can just as often blame themselves for the addict's
behaviors. It is natural for the family to believe that they can change
or force the addict to stop their self destructive behaviors, and
it is just as common for family members to live in a state of fear
that the addict's behavior may lead to the destruction of the family
unit. The endless cycle can be marked by violence, disappointment
and embarrassment, deception, isolation, and general feelings of hopelessness,
despair, and anger.
The affects of alcoholism and addiction can be devastating to the
family, however, ironically family members can be the last to openly
admit that there is a problem. At Discovery, we provide a safe and
supportive environment where family members discover that they are
not responsible for their loved ones behaviors, and learn to refocus
their energies on themselves and their own recovery. |
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- Do you
lose sleep because of a loved one's drinking or drug use?
- Do most
of your thoughts revolve around their drinking or drug use or
other problems that arise because of him or her?
- Do you
force the loved one to make promises not to drink or use drugs
only for those promises to be broken?
- Do you
make threats or decisions and not follow through on them?
- Has your
attitude changed toward the family member (alternating between
love and hate)?
- Do you
mark, hide, dilute and/or empty bottles of liquor or medication?
- Do you
think that everything would be okay, if only the problem drinker
would stop their drug use or control their drinking?
- Do you
feel alone, fearful, anxious, angry and frustrated most of the
time? Are you beginning to feel dislike for yourself and to
wonder about your sanity?
- Do you
find your moods fluctuating wildly, as a direct result of your
loved one's moods and actions?
- Do you
feel responsible and guilty about the drinking problem?
- Do you
try to conceal, deny, or protect the family member's drinking
or drug use?
- Have you
withdrawn from outside activities and friends because of embarrassment
and shame over their drinking or drug use?
- Have
you taken over many chores and duties that you would normally
expect the family member to assume or that were formerly his
or hers?
- Do you
feel forced to try to exert tight control over the family expenditures
with less success and are financial problems increasing?
- Do you
feel the need to justify your actions and attitudes and, at
the same time, feel somewhat smug and self-righteous compared
to the drinker or drug user?
- If there
are children in the house, do they often take sides with either
the problem drinker or the spouse?
- Are the
children showing signs of emotional stress, such as withdrawing,
having trouble with authority figures, rebelling, acting out
sexually?
- Have you
noticed physical symptoms in yourself, such as nausea- a "knot"
in the stomach, ulcers, shakiness, sweating palms, bitten fingernails?
- Do you
feel utterly defeated, that nothing you say or do will move
the problem drinker or drug user? Do you believe that her or
she can't get better?
- Where
this applies, is your sexual relationship with a problem drinker
or drug user affected by feelings of revulsion? So you "use"
sex to manipulate or refuse sex to punish him or her?
If
you answered 'yes' to any of these questions we encourage you
to contact us confidentially for information that could help
you and the rest of your family.
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